Women After An Affair

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· A sense of paralysis, an inability to decide which way to go. The danger here for the 'hurt partner' is to be drawn blindly to keep the marriage intact, no matter what.

I've interviewed several hundred people in this situation and I've also been there myself. What is crucial for the healing to begin is for the 'unfaithful partner' to be able to feel and show compassion for the hurt they have caused. Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affair , and the ending may not have been their decision.

Women After An Affair

The only place where you'll learn how women process cheating on their husbands. A fter researching female infidelity for more than ten yearsI can honestly say that many of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and some are completely erroneous. If you're a man, like most menyou would probably never suspect that your wife is cheating, at least, not physically cheating not only because of your wife's seeming disinterest in sex ; but also because you have the belief that your wife is a good girl. If you're a woman, like most women, prior to cheating on your husband you always proclaimed yourself to be not the type who would ever cheat. However, also like most womenafter they have cheated, you're shocked and appalled by your behavior ; but at the same time you can't stop cheating. Learn how women process infidelity. Find out why cheating emotionally or physically can catapult women into a full-blown identity crisis that ultimately leads to the demise of their marriages. Women's relationships and womens feelings after an affair have been following the same pattern for a long time, and they will continue to follow this pattern unless we develop an accurate understanding of females -- particularly in regard to their sexuality. After researching women's sexuality for more than ten years, I can honestly say that many of our societal beliefs about females are grossly distorted and some are completely erroneous. Unfortunately, society's womens feelings after an affair with male infidelity and male commitment issues has and continues to keep a light from being shined too closely on female infidelity and female commitment issues. The media has finally begun to acknowledge, albeit to a small degree, the widespread problem of female infidelity. But to be clear, female infidelity is one of the most prevalent problems couples are facing today in their relationships. People who write and speak on the subject of why women cheat often regurgitate outdated information or intentionally leave out basic information because it's not politically correct to talk about women's true sexual nature. However, without th ese missing pieces of information, it's impossible to understand, and to subsequently fix, many of the real problems that couples are facing today in their relationships. My story: Shortly after my 27th birthday, I began to feel very different. I had been happily married for 4 years and then, suddenly out of nowhere, I began feeling bored and unhappy. In an attempt to figure out what was causing my unhappiness, I looked for answers in books, tried to talk to my Mother and eventually went to see a psychologist. All of the information I received attributed the way I was feeling to my husband, and similar to the majority of women, I began to view my husband as the culprit too. Currently, women are initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces Later, through my own research, I discovered that what I was experiencing was quite normal. In fact, women are the most likely to divorce in their late twenties and thirties after an average of 4 years of marriage. During this time, it's quite common for women to experience a pre-midlife crisis, which is similar to the male midlife crisis, only with an important difference - a difference that can actually make women more likely to cheat than men. The stages that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships Several years into my research I was able to identify distinctive patterns and behaviors in the women I interviewed. I categorized these into four separate stages that women often experience during the course of their long-term relationships. The stages begin with a loss of sexual desire. Stage 1 Women at Stage 1 feel as though something is missing in their lives. They ha ve all the things that they want ed - a home, a family, a great husband - but they feel they should be happier. Over time, many women in this stage begin to lose interest in sex. It is not uncommon for them to spend a great deal of energy trying to avoid physical contact with their husbands because they fear it might lead to a sexual encounter. They frequently complain of physical ailments to avoid having sex and often tr y to avoid going to bed at the same time as their husbands. They view sex as a job, not unlike doing the dishes or going to the grocery store. Some women in Stage 1 claim they feel violated when their husbands touch them. The majority of women in Stage 1 f eel as though there is something wrong with them, that they are in some way defective. They are also fearful that their disinterest in sex w ill cause their husbands to cheat, or worse yet, leave them. Stage 2 Women at Stage 2 experience reawakened desire stimulated by an encounter outside the marital relationship. Whether these encounters with a new man involve s sex or remain platonic, women will typically give a tremendous amount of emotional significance to these encounters. Many women in this stage haven't felt any sexual desire for a long time. Many experience tremendous guilt and regret, regardless of whether their new relationships are sexual, merely emotional, or both. Most begin to experience what could be termed an identity crisis - even those who tr y to put the experience behind them. They fe el guilt when the topic of infidelity arises, whether in the media, in conversations with family and friends, or at home with their husbands. Women in this stage can no longer express their prior disdain for infidelity without feeling like a hypocrite. They fe el as though they ha ve lost a part of themselves. Reflecting society's belief that women are either good or bad, women will question their good girl status and fe el that they might not be deserving of their husbands. Many will tr y to overcome feelings of guilt by becoming more attentive toward and appreciative of their husbands. However, over time many women will move from appreciation to justification. In order to justify their continued desire for other men, women will begin to attribute th ese desires to needs that are not being met in the ir marriage, or to their husband's past behavior. Many women will become negative and sarcastic when speaking of their husbands and their marriages and it is not uncommon for an extramarital affair to follow. Stage 3 Women at Stage 3 are involved in affairs, ending affairs, or contemplating divorce. Women who are having affairs experience womens feelings after an affair unlike anything they have experienced before. They fe el alive again and many believe they ha ve found their soul mates. These womens feelings after an affair are experiencing feelings associated with a chemically altered state, or what is typically refer red to as being in love. These women are also typically in tremendous pain, the pain of choosing between their husbands and their new love interests. They typically believe that what they are doing is wrong and unfair to their husbands, but yet are unable to end their affairs. Many often tr y several times. Prior to meeting with their lovers, they w ill vow that it w ill be the last time, but womens feelings after an affair are unable to stick with their decisions. Unable to end their extramarital relationships, women at Stage 3 conclude that their lovers are soul mates because they are unaware that they ha ve become addicted to the high caused by chemicals released during the initial stages of a relationship. Many live in a state of limbo for years. Should I stay married or should I get a divorce. In most cases, husbands of women at Stage 3, will launch futile attempts to make their wives happy by being more attentive, spending more time at home and helping out around the house. Regardless of women's past and present complaints, the last thing women at Stage 3 want, is to spend more time with their husbands. The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a search for self. They convince their husbands that they might be able to save the ir marriage if they c an just have time to themselves. They tell their husbands that time apart is the only hope of improving the ir current situation. Women at this stage want to free themselves of the restrictions of marriage and spend more time with their lovers. Most th ink that eventually their confusion w ill disappear. They think they w ill eventually know with certainty whether they want to stay married or get divorced and be with their lovers. Separati on allows women at this stage, to enjoy the high they experience with their lovers without giving up the security of their marriages. Husbands of Stage 3 women are often unaware that their wives are having affairs. Their lack of suspicion is typically due to their wife's disinterest in sex and in their belief that their wife is a good girl. Women at Stage 3 may also be experiencing the ending of an extramarital affairand the ending may not have been their decision. They may have been involved with single men who either lost interest because the relationship could not progress or who became attracted to another women who w as single. Women whose affairs are ending often experience extreme grief. They may become deeply depressed and express tremendous anger toward their husbands. They are typically unaware that they are experiencing chemical withdrawal due to sudden changes in their brain chemistry. As a result, many womens feelings after an affair feel that they ha ve missed their chance at happiness due to their indecisiveness. Believing they ha ve become more aware of what they want and need from a mate, women at this stage will often place the utmost importance on finding a new relationship that will g ive them the feeling they experience d in their affairs. A new relationship with a new partner will also represent a clean slate, a chance for these women to regain their good girl status. Some women will search for new partners during their separations. Others will return to their marriages, but not emotionally and still continue to search. Some women will resume sporadic sexual relations with their husbands in an effort to safeguard the ir marriage until they ma ke a decision. Although they are often not sexually attracted to their husbands, desire is temporarily rekindled when they suspect their husbands are unfaithful, are contemplating infidelity, or when their husbands show signs of moving on. Stage 4 The women in stage four included those who chose to stay married and continue their affairs and those who chose to divorce. Some of the women who continued their affairs stated that marital sex was improved by maintaining the extramarital relationship. Some thought the lover was a soul mate, but for one reason or another did not leave their husband and did not feel torn between the two. Others realized that their feelings were intensified by not sharing day-to-day living arrangements with their lover. Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men. They believed their affairs could continue indefinitely without disrupting either partner's primary relationship. The women who chose divorce and were in the beginning stages of a new relationship typically expressed womens feelings after an affair at having finally made a decision and reported feeling normal again. Many of the divorced women who had remarried and were several years into their new marriages seemed somewhat reluctant to talk about the specifics of their past experiences. However, they did mention feelings of guilt and regret for having hurt their children and ex-spouses only to find themselves experiencing similar feelings in the new relationship. Female infidelity will not only continue to be extremely common but it will also continue to be on the rise Women are cheating and relationships are ending because men and women lack necessary information. T oday's relationship problems are not only solvable, but many can be easily solved - once you understand what the real problem is. The information in Women 's Infidelity should be common knowledge to couples, both married and unmarriedand to dating males and females. Trying to have a relationship today without th e information in this book is like to trying to read without knowing the letters of the alphabet. This is not an exaggerat ion - it 's a fact. Reviews and Letters from Readers I have been reading your book all week and have found it to be completely insightful and clarifying. I have been married for 7 years and have a 3 year old at home. I have not engaged in an affair but over but over the last few months have definitely considered looking for it. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I feel clearer now than I have for a long time. I know my whole family is goin g to benefit from this information. As a psychologist I did have occasion to study marriage and marriage counseling to some degree but my primary interest has always been in working with children and adolescents. Clearly there is a significant absence of information such as yours being disseminated to graduating psychologists in training. Having been down the marital breakup path, I can also clearly attest to the accuracy of your conclusions. I do thank-you for writing such an insightful and informative book and will share it with my numerous friends who are currently experiencing similar marital challenges, as well as some of my professional colleagues who are more directly involved in working with couples. D I wish to congratulate you. Richard James I can't thank you enough for publishing your book, which I downloaded and last night read cover to cover until 2:30am. What struck me was that many times in the book, you described my wife's behavior - right on down to verbatim quotes - and mine in frighteningly accurate detail. I have a better understanding of what has happened. Her relationship did not get physical, but it would have eventually, I'mm sure. Understanding why is a huge part of forgiving her. I've made more progress with your book in a few hours than we have with a therapist in 6 weeks. With any luck, you may have been a major factor in saving our marriage. Thank you, thank you, thank you. We can never thank you enough. I believe it was key to saving our marriage. Keith Vaughn Before reading your book, I had been living in limbo for almost two years. I was so confused and I felt like I was going crazy. I even went womens feelings after an affair a psychologist to try and figure out what was wrong with me. I had just about given up all hope and then I heard you on the radio talking about your book. Thank you so much for writing this book. For the first time in a long time I finally feel like I'm getting back to normal again. Justine Pace I heard you on the radio and I thought you may have some answers for me since I had just caught my wife cheating. I was wondering why this was happening so I ordered your book. I received your book the other day and read it cover to cover. It seemed to be written about m y marriage. Both are at a disadvantage in their relationships without having this information. Limbo is one of the most painful experiences we can go through in our relationships. I've interviewed several hundred people in this situation and I've also been there myself. When I was going throught it, I felt like I had an ailment, a condition of some sort. At the time, I just knew I had something and whatever it was, it wasn't normal. For several reasons, which I explain in my book, infidelity and marital limbo are quickly becoming the norm for women and, as I've already pointed out, women are also initiating 70 - 75% of all divorces. I sincerely believe that the information in Women's Infidelity is crucial for males and females, regardless of their relationship status. However, if you're currently struggling with women's infidelity issues you absolutely need this information to make educated decisions. In fact, it would simply be a mistake to end a relationship or make other life-changing decisions prior to reading my books. The Women's Infidelity books are recommended by counselors and therapists all over the world. My books have helped tens of thousands of men and women. I am utterly amazed at the accuracy of what Michelle has written. I would like to make these books available in my office for clients. Ashley Baxter I don't know how I can ever thank womens feelings after an affair. After I read it I had my wife read it. My wife and I have now not only reconciled but we also have a much more honest relationship. Mark Brennin Thank you for bringing everything into focus. It took guts to put this information out there and I can't thank you enough for doing it. Allissa Misloch What I find so disturbing is that I could have been in counseling for another 10 years and I still would not have learned anything about what I learned from your books. I am grateful to you for putting this information out there for people like me who have been hurting and confused for so long. Julie Heckner If You Have Questions About Ordering And You Will Receive A Reply Womens feelings after an affair 24 Hrs.

Allissa Misloch What I find so disturbing is that I could have been in counseling for another 10 years and I still would not have learned anything about what I learned from your books. Ashley Baxter I don't know how I can ever thank you. The reason many women will give for their desire to separate is a search for self. It is conservatively estimated, and likely underestimated, that 20% of married women and 37% of married men have had an extramarital affair involving intercourse. D I wish to congratulate you. · Doing what you did, you couldn't possibly love me, so what's the point of going on? Almost all of the women in this latter category were having affairs with married men.